Lonely. Have you ever felt lonely? Not the good lonely, not the feeling of being surrounded by trees and mountains feeling minuscule but filled with joy at the majesty and magnificence of the world around you. No I mean lonely, that feeling you had as a kid when you had the horrible thought for the very first time that maybe no-one will show up to your 5th birthday party or even your 18th. That feeling which authors describe as sitting in a room surrounded by people but feeling like you’re the only one there.
For the last few weeks that feeling has been my constant companion closely followed by its friends jealously and comparison. And I write these words not as a long depressing rant but as an encouragement to the lonely ones. Although it may seem like it I promise, you are never alone. It is just a feeling, an incredibly present and powerful one at that, but hundreds if not thousands of people have been there and are still there. Some people have a megaphone, but I have words and sentences and a God who is as close as my bones and as real as the breath in my lungs, and a heart that I have prayed over and over again to be broken for things that break others hearts.
I remember thinking since I was young, how incredibly scary and vast the ocean was. I mentioned this to someone once and they turned and looked at me with a mix of puzzlement and amusement and replied, scary? Nah, it’s just incredibly powerful. And what an awesome notion that is, my loneliness, the feelings I am feeling are not scary, are not depressing, they are powerful.
And although I feel at times that I am racing a rising tide, I must constantly remind myself that I have always loved to swim in the wild waves. A beautiful analogy right there, even if I am the only one who understands it. A very real and honest post for this week, but I almost promise to write something significantly more exciting soon enough.
Thanks Tim for the beautiful photo, credit is rightfully yours.