October can be found next to the wilted lettuce or on the window pane. October came welcome into my life roaring in as September tiptoed sheepishly out the backdoor. Just like a good meal is all about the seasoning, a good year is in the seasons, and October is a good season.
I have not written for weeks as I am trying to get my head around clarity & expectation, two things that have been on my heart and mind of late. I find it difficult to distinguish between what expectations of life and of relationships are from the world and what expectations are from deep within me. I am drawn by the beauty and unlimited qualities of the expectations God has for me but I am constantly confused by religion. By this per-determined mindset and vision Christians have. Don’t get me wrong my faith is as solid as my bones and I have many a memory of extravagant faith for bad days. But in this season memories of extravagance don’t tell me where I am headed or what I believe in.
Religion is full of words, its a novel of confusing double standards and a Jesus who pours out love like coffee. Its both a place to find refuge and a place to avoid. Religion is a safety net but faith is a necessity, its gravity. Faith is not a concept.
If I had to chose between the two, hands down I would chose faith, a relationship over religion, but is it possible to have one without the other? I do not wish to follow blindly, perhaps I do not wish to follow at all. I just want to be. Be everything I am and everything I am not in the constant and ever lasting presence of the one who created me. When did religion get so separated from faith and from relationship?
Still I pray for commas not full stops . I will continue to wear my heart on my sleeve and feel content that all good understandings take time, after all its hard to stop loving the ocean. Even after its left you gasping and salty. – That’s often how I feel about this whole muddle we call religion. But as ever I encourage my few lovely readers to celebrate the constant questions and persistent blessings of this ordinary life.